Embrace Solitude

Sybil Geldart

Solitude. Alone time. Personal space. We need some of this in order to analyse our situation, evaluate things, and ultimately effect change. Practicing solitude started in Eastern traditions well before our time, wherein its purpose was to elicit self-reflection, gain self-knowledge, and seek a better understanding of the world. But it is hard to imagine any decent amount of alone time in a fast-moving digital world replete with information overload, constant notifications, and compulsive social media use.

Let me guess—your calendar is full and your mind is weighted down with crucial tasks that should have been done yesterday. You don't have any room for "me time." The faster you get things done this time around, the more actions you will take on next time, and the more automatic thinking becomes. But now is the time to put on the brakes in this breakneck world. In the presence of private space away from the hustle and bustle, you should find it easier to think about goals and dreams and assess whether you are close to achieving them. 

It is hard to be an independent thinker when bombarded with news and otherwise menial information presented online. After all, we are living in an era of constant connectivity and public opinion. In the current business world, open workspaces are preferred over individual offices; productive think tanks and non-hierarchical group problem-solving are encouraged in the workplace. Being with others, working with others, and learning from others is prized. But that does not mean you can’t do things independently or think in a unique way. Research shows that creative thinking is enhanced when a person spends quiet time to look at the world from their own perspective. Teamwork has its benefits, but sometimes it is good to evaluate your own viewpoint and make decisions for yourself without undue pressure, distractions, or interference.

The mind has a habit of replaying recent conversations, particularly unhappy exchanges or scenes, over and over again: the events of a party, discussions in a business meeting, the dialogue you just had with an old friend. Ruminating thoughts swirl and repeat and are rampant at the end of the day. Bedtime is a downtime when your body and mind are turning away outside stimulation to prepare for rest, but, before sleep sets in, all that is left is unhelpful thinking.

Persistent negative thoughts restrict your ability to concentrate and make good decisions. Be aware of when this mind chatter occurs. Understand that you have the power to control your thoughts using mindfulness techniques. Sitting in quiet and observing in a nonjudgmental way will help you eliminate negative thinking. When you are mindful, you become practiced at shifting your mind away from intrusive thoughts and towards pleasant ones.

When you take time to disconnect from the outside world, you can better explore strong feelings, strengths, and areas of need. You can decide what things you want to change, what things cannot change, and how you want your life to be different or better. Remember, you can feel connected emotionally to other beings even while you are detaching yourself from social events. Feeling connected is a mental representation we hold about ourselves in relation to the world. This mental representation is called a schema by cognitive psychologists. Being connected is having the schema or sense of belonging to a community. Feeling connected with oneself implies self-acceptance and self-love and involves an integration between the mind and bodily sensations. 

The last thing anyone needs after a frightfully long and grueling pandemic is more social distancing. Physical distancing reduced the spread of COVID-19, but, given how long we were in quarantine, the effect was that many of us felt bored, unproductive, lonely, and pining for social connection. Humans are social animals, after all, and we depend on each other to survive. What this means is that too much alone time is not good for our mental health. But note that I am asking you to embrace some solitude—for your health. It will help you thrive given today’s landscape. Recognise the difference between forced distancing and voluntary distancing. Distancing ought to be about willingly separating from the social group and taking the time to reflect, self-regulate, and quiet your busy life.

In embracing solitude, do not let alone time put you entirely in front of a computer monitor or scrolling social media on your smartphone. Playing video games and viewing endless newsfeeds are highly compulsive behaviours. A considerable amount of research underscores the grave health effects of steady internet use: social isolation, depression, obesity, and social anxiety. If you or someone you know is glued to their device and persistently leaves behind friends to be online, then being disconnected is surely going to happen. It is necessary to turn off devices on occasion. 

-- Psychology Today