Shun Tiger Parenting

Nilima Adhikari

Asian parents are considered harsh when it comes to handling their wards. They prioritise academic excellence of their children over all other creative activities, impeding their mental and intellectual growth. Children, raised by tiger parents, are taught that being successful is the ultimate goal of life. They have high hopes from their kids and exert undue pressure making them psychologically unstable. Such children are more prone to anxiety and depression compared to those brought up in healthy environment. 

It almost broke my heart when I knew that my nine-year-old son got 63 per cent in his first terminal exam. I was disappointed with his pedagogic activity. He didn’t show much interest in completing his assignments in time and teachers often complain of his poor concentration in class. Then I decided to discipline him at all cost. I resorted to shaming and comparisons to force him to complete all his assignments. But my ways of dealing with him went wrong. He gradually started losing his confidence. My unrealistic demands made him agitated and uneasy.

My son fought with all his strength to prove himself as a good boy. But slowly he succumbed to my unrealistic demands. He was not meant for academic excellence that I sought for. He had good communications skill. He could put forward his argument in a persuasive manner. Public speaking was his asset; he did not hesitate to speak before the masses. He won prize in debate competition a few times and I never appreciated him for this achievement because this ability of my son didn’t fit into my definition of academic merit. At the end, my authoritative style did not improve his grades. Sadly, this only demotivated him. 

To cope with my excessive pressure, he began to lie to me. This reminded me of an infamous story of Jennifer Pan who was convicted of murdering of her own parents, which showed how dangerous the tiger parenting is. Pan was an accomplished skater and pianist, who was living a double life to please her tiger parents. She forged her certificates with ‘A’ grade but in reality she had dropped out of college. When her parents learnt this and confronted her, she found it easier to kill them instead of facing the shameful truth. 

Every child is unique. Parents need to respect their children and spot where their genius and potentiality lies. These days, schools have become so mechanised that they have one method to shape all, killing children’s true talent and individuality. Both parents and teachers need to focus more on encouraging children to unlock their forte and support their choices. Amy Chua, a Yale Law professor and mother of two, in her book The Battle Hymn of The tiger Mother writes, “Best way to protect children is by preparing them for future, letting them see what they are capable of and arming them with skills, work habits, and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.” Letting children figure out their passion and capabilities is the duty of the parents. 

Supportive parents’ bond with their children is very strong, enabling them to be self-confident. Such children have better socio-emotional adjustment. Children raised in the supportive households fulfill their duty towards their home, parents and community. Warmth, emotional support, positive reinforcement and valuing children’s point of view can only bring positive outcomes. Shouting at children, comparing them with other children and coercing them to study all the time prove detrimental to their emotional wellbeing and overall personality development.