Hidden Struggles Of Students Abroad

The desire to leave the country has assumed ritualistic significance for families in rural Nepal. Land is sold, debts are accumulated, and all the family's hopes are pinned on the one son or daughter who will make something of themselves in foreign lands. The tale of Bikram Lama, a youth from Makwanpur district in Nepal who went missing while traveling to Australia to pursue studies in computer science in 2013, is not merely a tragedy but also reflects the grim reality of a larger trend.

Bikram's departure had been like that of many other youths marked by sacrifice, anticipation, and hope. According to his family, Bikram was sent abroad with dreams of studying and making a name for himself after selling about nine kattha of land. The plight of such families is all too common in the nation. For many parents, sending their child abroad to seek a better life through education is akin to gambling on their future.

Well-chosen images

Beneath the well-chosen images of happy faces, cafe outings, and academic regalia, there is a tale that is seldom heard. Nepali students studying abroad experience tremendous pressure from all sides: economic, psychological, and social. Tuition costs are steep, expenses are increasing, and odd jobs may not always be consistent enough to support a living. Many of them end up working tirelessly in physically taxing occupations such as cleaning, construction, and hospitality, often compromising their studies and well-being. Yet, when they call home, their voices remain cheerful.

It is a tacit yet profound obligation imposed on them: do not burden your parents with your problems. Their parents have already made so many sacrifices. What right does the child have to share his or her struggles in paying rent, going hungry, or failing classes? How can they reveal their loneliness in a foreign country where cultural disparities, linguistic issues, and social exclusion take a toll on their psychological well-being? So instead, they send pictures.

Pictures taken before landmarks. Pictures with their friends. Pictures that mean, “Things are going great for me.” It creates an image that acts as their armor; something with which they defend their loved ones against anxiety and themselves from disgrace. However, after a period of emotional repression, this divide becomes unbearable. The gap between their real lives and the images they create widens to the point that the students soon find themselves existing in two different realities.

The long periods of silence by Bikram Lama with his family suggest the pain involved in such situations. Cutting off all ties with the family is usually not a sudden act; it is the cumulative effect of a lot of stress, anxiety, and failures. Sometimes, students fall off the radar for various reasons, such as academic failures, financial instability, or visa issues. In countries such as Australia, international students make a lot of contributions towards the economy, although they are also very vulnerable individuals. Help is available, but the problem is that it can be hard for some people to seek assistance due to various reasons, including pride, fear, and a lack of knowledge. For the migrants coming from close communities such as Nepal, another issue is their reputation, how people will talk about them at home.

The tragedy is aggravated by the fact that one’s hopes become the cause of their despair, while the promise of dignity leads to invisibility. The reports mentioning the fact that Bikram used to live near the St James tunnel in Sydney, feeding pigeons, and being called Birdman paint an even more tragic picture, showing the way in which he became homeless and invisible, leaving everyone whom he once knew behind. His death, discovered after several days of his demise, makes us question ourselves. How many more such untold stories still exist? How many other students are secretly suffering in silence? 

Failure of our system

The problem is not one of personal failure; it’s a failure of our system. Nepal needs to reconsider its approach towards preparing students for going out into the world, a preparation that extends beyond academics. Before students go, their families, along with schools, should talk about the various problems they may face while they are outside, and the difficulties they may encounter when they come back. In addition, host nations need to provide more resources for the international students, especially making sure that any individual who might be experiencing some sort of psychological problems does not have to work through a complicated system on his or her own.

The sad story of Bikram Lama must never go in vain. It must serve as a reminder to us all that there lies more pain than success behind many stories that we read or hear abroad. There are many stories of pain lying buried under happy snaps of youth. For those who genuinely care for their youth, this must be a wake-up call.

(Shrestha is a psychology and social work student at St. Xavier College, Maitighar, Kathmandu.)