Silencing Inner Judge

For most of my life, I have carried an invisible companion: a harsh inner voice that sounds like mine and tells me, over and over, that I am not enough. It’s so oppressive that people close to me have often said they’d never met anyone so hard on themselves. Over decades of listening to that voice, I let it convince me that no achievement was ever sufficient. Whatever I accomplished, my aim had to be higher—something more, something better. Moments of satisfaction, even pride, would simply have to wait.

Only recently did I come to understand that my toxic inner critic was not my voice at all. It was my Judge. That’s the term Shirzad Chamine uses in his extraordinary book, Positive Intelligence: Why Only 20% of Teams and Individuals Achieve Their True Potential and How You Can Achieve Yours.  The Judge quietly operates in the background and seeks to convince us that we are fundamentally limited… when we are not.

Chamine explains that our minds are inhabited by what he calls saboteurs—distinct inner characters that undermine our happiness, confidence, and performance. Including the Judge, these saboteurs are near-universal, operating across cultures, genders, and ages. Once essential for survival, they now conspire to limit our well-being and potential.

At the top of this destructive hierarchy is the Judge, what Chamine calls the master saboteur. My own Judge was formed early in childhood. With my mom deceased, I grew up with a father who was psychologically and emotionally abusive, for whom no achievement of mine ever measured up. Through his words and example, I learned not only to be perpetually striving, but also unable to see my successes for what they truly were.

By adulthood, I had so fully internalized that ever-tormenting voice that I couldn’t distinguish between me and it. My Judge had become a permanent fixture in my head, a kind of internal assassin that ensured I never felt real satisfaction or peace. Throughout my career, I excelled outwardly but rarely allowed myself to fully feel it. Chamine explains that the Judge sabotages us in three main ways: by finding fault with ourselves, by judging others, and by shaping how we interpret circumstances and events—in deeply disempowering ways.

This is the Judge’s classic form. It tells us we’re not performing well enough, fast enough, or as well as others around us. It points out all our flaws while ignoring our brilliance. When we turn that same harsh lens outward, we sabotage our relationships and teams. Our Judge keeps score, fuels jealousy and resentment, and convinces us we’re superior and inferior to others. Chamine notes that he rarely finds a team not undercut by judgmental thinking—colleagues misinterpreting motives, assuming bad intent, eroding trust.

This is the Judge’s most insidious trick. It convinces us that happiness lies just beyond the next milestone: “I’ll be happy when I get that promotion, when the pressure lets up, when things finally go my way.” But the moment that “when” arrives, the Judge simply moves the finish line. That ever-shifting horizon keeps us chasing happiness that never really arrives. The Judge also seeks to convince us that, say, a delayed call or email from a colleague is deliberate, pushing us toward anger and conflict instead of patience and understanding.

Chamine says that simply recognizing the Judge for what it is—a separate inner character, not your true voice—immediately begins to loosen its grip. When a familiar sinking feeling or harsh self-criticism arises, ask yourself in the moment: “Is this my voice—or my Judge?” Just noticing it gives you a choice: let it pull you down, or step aside and reclaim a healthier, more accurate perspective.

Next comes labeling. “Ah, there’s my Judge again” strips it of much of its authority. For me, doing this has already proved transformational. It lets me instantly outwit the exaggeration, comparison, and judgment my Judge uses in its attempts at hijacking my emotions and perspective.

Finally, Chamine introduces the idea of the Sage—the knowing voice inside you that operates with curiosity, compassion, and calm. Once you begin identifying when your Judge is speaking, your Sage steps in to give you the truth. The Judge doesn’t vanish, but with practice, you control when and how it speaks—rather than letting it dictate your life. Over time, this practice—noticing, labeling, and choosing the Sage—builds what Chamine calls positive intelligence: the ability to act in your best interest, rather than at the mercy of your inner critic. With intention, mindfulness, and practice, you can neutralize the distressing voice of the Judge and reclaim your mind, your peace, and your happiness.

After I had more than two dozen articles published in a well-known American magazine, written a best-selling book, taught in 11 universities, and had another book on the way, someone unfamiliar with me asked me if I was a writer. Even with all of those writing accomplishments behind me, my Judge still tried its very best to get me to say no! Gratefully, my offsetting Sage knew the truth. Proof positive that our Judges can be remarkably persuasive—until we choose to transcend them.

-Psychology Today