Life Is Too Precious To End By Oneself

Recently, a bad news story entered our staff room: 'A girl studying in B. B.Ed. third year committed suicide!' Soon, I found out who the girl was. She was one of my students whom I knew personally. It was very hard for me to accept her passing away. So, I contacted her best friend for confirmation. She sent me a long message explaining the incident: 'She got married to the man she liked after talking with him on the phone for two or three months. They got married in Chaitra. 

After their marriage, things changed in my friend’s house. Her family did not accept her husband, and everyone stopped talking to her much except for her grandmother. My friend's relationship was not good, not only with her parents but also with her in-laws. Her mother-in-law had started feeling uncomfortable because of the gossip in the community. She wasn’t happy with the daughter-in-law and didn’t talk to her openly. 

During Dashain, she and her husband were invited to her parents’ home. She stayed there with her family during Dashain and Tihar. Last Sunday, she returned to her husband’s house from her parents’ home. On Tuesday night, she talked to her grandmother from around 7:30 to 8:00 p.m. before going to bed. But around 1 a.m. that same night, her family got a call saying that their daughter was no more. I had talked to her on Monday evening. 

Suicide note 

We had planned to go to Jhapa in a few days, and she told me she would return home in a day or two. I heard the heartbreaking news yesterday, while I was on my way to Jhapa. We still don’t know what really happened or why she passed away. This message included a lot of suspicious questions. However, the girl had written a suicide note where she had not blamed anyone for her death but only herself.

It was not merely my student but two other cases of suicide that appeared in the mass media this month. A singer Neetu Paudel set fire on herself and lost her life. The news reports said that she had been in a romantic relationship for about seven years and the couple was having some kind of arguments on when or whether to get married. A similar case is with Janaki Khadka, a lower secondary mathematics teacher from Bajura. She also committed suicide due to an unsuccessful love affair. What is common in all these incidents is that there is an involvement of love or marriage that claimed these young ladies' lives. And these are only some examples; there may be several such cases.

Globally, what available research studies show is that generally young girls or women are more likely to attempt suicide because of failed love affairs or relationship problems, while young boys or men are more likely to die under the same circumstances. Because of this, comparatively male suicide death rate seems to be higher than the female suicide death rate. However, if we consider Nepal alone, the scenario looks quite different. Research indicates that young girls have higher suicide rates than boys due to failed affairs or marital problems. The main reasons for this are recorded as cultural factors, economic factors or interpersonal factors. 

Nepal, still being a patriarchal society, the cultural factors play the most significant role here. Females have many restrictions to follow. All these factors may quickly lead them to hopelessness and eventually to a decision to end their life. I think it is just a fraction of time between the suicidal thought and the action itself. If somebody is available at that very moment to talk to, the fatal situation may be avoided. There is a beautiful story in this line. An American airman, Irving, was struggling with some mental health issues, so he was thinking of ending his life. 

His colleague, Palacious, noticed something was wrong with Irving. He asked his friend, 'There's that barbecue happening tomorrow. If I let you go home, am I going to see you there?' Irving promptly answered, 'No. If I go home, I'm going to kill myself.' Palacious immediately knew Irving could not be left alone. He called for help and saved his friend's life. Like Irving's, there are hundreds of other inspirational stories of suicide attempt survivors. Life itself is uncertain and too short. At the same time, it is much more precious than anything else. So, is it fair to terminate it by oneself? 

Spirituality

Every suicidal person is not as lucky as Irving to find a friend on the spot to save their life. What can be done in such a critical situation then? We all have our high and low times, helplessness and other sad feelings. We have to deal with them ourselves by utilising the available tools. I think among such tools, spirituality is the most powerful one. It teaches us the temporary nature of this physical world. If one can internalise the truth that nothing is permanent, including their life, family, property, love, marriage, in short, everything, it will be easier for them to accept all the gifts that life offers. No matter how happy or sad the moments are, they all pass like fleeting thoughts.

According to Hinduism, we get human life only after passing through many other life forms. It is said that we have to go through 8.4 million different forms to be a human again. With our good karma, we have become humans this time, so why not live this life to the fullest before it perishes?

(The author is the director of Vidya Shilpa Academy, Damak, Jhapa.)