Ode To A Beautiful Family

Death of five members of a family in a fatal accident in Chitlang on January 13, 2024 has been carried by the media extensively and the social media has been circulating the pictures of the family which will reside in the minds of all who saw those pictures. But who are these people? They were a simple, family-oriented, middle class Nepali citizens who did their duties sincerely and moved on to make a family who were living in solitude and happiness until the fatal accident uprooted their world and left behind a mother, daughter, wife who keeps murmuring to herself in delirious stages “they are all gone what will I do know? 

The house here in Maitidevi and Lazimpat are empty what do I do now?” As I hugged Dr. Shristi Tiwary, she said “Namrata di you just met all of them on new year eve now they are gone,” I could only hug her but couldn’t utter a word. Then I realised another person was hugging her tightly from the other side Dr Astha Tiwary, Shristi’s sister but all focus was on Shristi including Astha herself and her husband Dr Chandan Jha who flew from Germany immediately after hearing about the incident. Shristi and Astha were orphaned at a blink of the moment. Shristi’s parents Omkar Nidhi Tiwari and Kalpana Tiwari, husband Dr Mahesh Kumar Gautam and son met fatal death at one spot. Shristi was brave enough to try to save her injured daughter by taking the child to a hospital but it was not possible to save her. 

Ideal couple

Omkar Nidhi Tiwary was my first cousin, the eldest son of my aunt, my father's elder sister. From the day Kalpana entered our family she has become a favourite of all. My aunt, her children, my parents and all the family members loved her for the human she was. Omkar Nidhi was known to all the family members as Raju. The relationship between Raju da, and Kalpana Bhauju was of an ideal couple very much there for each other and their two daughters who are the most beautiful children in our family. Raju da was always the dutiful eldest son in a family with eight siblings. After my aunt’s death, he was the pillar for his siblings. He suffered from back and leg ailment and Kalpana Bhauju nursed him to health. 

After the birth of a daughter and a son from Shristi and Mahesh, Kalpana bhauju automatically took the role of a caretaking grandmother. When she couldn’t join family gatherings at my mother’s place, she used to say cheerfully that her house has been converted to a baby-sitting place. Raju da and Kalpana Bhauju were also perfect example in having pride over their daughters and never complained for not having a son. Both the daughters became medical doctors and married medical doctors too.  Shristi is now a very well-established cancer specialist in the Nepal Cancer Hospital while Astha and her husband reside and practice in Germany. Dr. Mahesh had established a hospital. Raju da and Kalpana Bhauju spent quality time with both their daughters. The sons-in-law took the place of their sons. 

The loss of lives are always unfortunate, but the loss of five members of this beautiful family in one go is a loss that is harder than other natural deaths. I suppose as the cliché goes there is always a silver lining in every dark cloud and at least the sisters have each other and Dr Chandan Jha together with Raju da’s brother Saroj Tiwary who immediately took Shristi and Astha to his home. Extended family structure of Nepal is a very powerful tool for coping with disasters. Shristi’s parents-in-law are also there for her support. The medical fraternity is also a very supportive team who will hopefully help Shristi to get back to normal. While Shristi’s sorrows are unfathomable so are the sorrows of Astha and her husband and the parents and siblings of Mahesh Babu. The entire family of Raju da is now in a void which will probably never be filled.

Life and death is a phenomenon that can never be separated. However, coping with an incident like this is something that can never be prepared for. I am still in a shock that my cousin, his wife, son-in-law and two grandchildren whom I met on 30th December 2023 are gone at one spot. I cannot imagine how his two surviving daughters and one son-in-law will cope. Being a cancer specialist witnessing death is not a new thing for Shristi but coping with the fact that her entire world is gone is something she needs tremendous strength for.  

Survivor guilt

According to the Grieflink site, the grief process can be disrupted if people who have been subjected to trauma become emotionally numb and avoid talking about the issue. They may experience feelings of unreality and fear. This could lead to inability to deal with their inner feelings and to work through the disruptions and loss. After a traumatic experience, the bereaved person may suffer ‘survivor guilt’ questioning on why they survived and others died and believe that they could or should have done more to prevent the tragedy. According to the Grieflink the memories, particularly if the bereaved person’s loved one died in extremely distressing circumstances, may dominate their thoughts, rather than the memories of the dead person themselves. This can become a diversion from grieving for the person who was killed. In that way the grief process may be disrupted.

Giving Ode to this beautiful family I just want to thank lord that Shristi and Astha have each other and Chandan and the departed Raju da is with four other family who went with him. Prayers that the grieving process of the survivors become easier as the days pass by.

(Sharma is a senior journalist and women rights advocate. namrata1964@yahoo.com Twitter handle: @NamrataSharmaP)