In Quest Of Art

Dixya Poudel

As an aspiring artist, I am still learning the craft of art. I blotch paints on my art quite often. I somehow manage to smudge a drawing. My lines aren’t sophisticated enough. My paints flow excessively and I am still grasping art skills in different mediums. 

I have always had a creative and artistic quest since my younger years. I remember as a young student I tried to copy still life paintings from art books. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to attend art classes then. I occasionally sketched or painted in leisure but I could never take it to an elevated level. A decade later, as an adult, I turned to art once again but I didn’t seem to excel despite the efforts I put in. My watercolours were amateurish. My sketches would be a far cry from being realistic. I even took art classes but it seemed art was out of my forte. 

However, things changed two years ago when the entire nation and the majority of the world were in lockdown due to the pandemic. I bought some art supplies which were expensive but of high quality. Then I found that I didn’t exactly lack talent, what I lacked was adequate supplies such as better quality brushes, paints and paper. I suddenly found that my watercolour would come alive through my brushstrokes in watercolour paper. The two years of the pandemic were spent learning the different techniques, paints, mediums and papers.

I discovered that I had better skills at painting than drawing although I mostly wanted to excel in realistic drawings. Now after seriously taking up art in my mid-thirties, I can create watercolour portraits and bring the subjects quite close to reality. Art is really a creative venture. For me, it is an outlet - a medium of expression and a joy once a work starts to evoke life. Creating portraits made me see people in a different light. I saw their slightly looped smile, a flicker of emotion in their eyes and lines cast deeply in their face. 

I began to see a level of profundity in their expressions as I tried to bring forth their inner light to paper. Then I turned to myself and made myself a subject. I drew my aquiline nose and oval face as I tried to create a resemblance in paper. In doing so I came to see my imperfections such as acne scars. I further realised that age was becoming etched on my face. I recalled my teenage self-consciousness when it came to my looks. Now as I tried to create a self-portrait in watercolour, I learned to accept my appearance without any qualms. Perhaps that is the beauty of art- it props the artist. 

It isn’t therefore surprising that artists revere their creativity, artistic nature and inventive accomplishments. Thus as the self-portrait came to life, what I saw was an artist learning the crafts of her art and a human coming to terms of self-acceptance. In doing so I found my inner soul embracing both my flaws and uniqueness. My self-portrait now remains proudly in my sketchbook as a reminder of my strengths. It has taught me self-acceptance, empathy and grace. No longer am I insecure about myself and my accomplishments as art ultimately has furthered my self-esteem.