Unspoken Gaps In Family

At some point, almost all of us have felt the weight of family conflicts, the silent tension, the unspoken disappointments, or the loud arguments that linger long after they’ve ended. “Every family has its issues” has become a universal truth, but in recent years, it seems we discuss them more than ever. Maybe it’s not that our families are more broken; maybe it’s that our ways of seeing, naming, and sharing these struggles have changed.

We live in a world where individualism is glorified to the utmost. We learn to prioritise our own survival, defend our peace and pursue our self-development and values that promote our mental well-being. In this self-pursuit, are we losing the art of coexistence? Have we become so focused on asserting our boundaries that we’ve forgotten how to bend, compromise, or listen? Family relationships in themselves demand patience and tolerance, which are gradually being graded in favour of the insatiable demands of the self.

But the cracks in family dynamics aren’t just a by-product of individualism. Most of the time, they go deeper, based on years of little expectations and communication breakdowns. A lot of conflicts in the family are not based on betrayal or misdeeds, but based on simple misunderstandings, the things we never said or gratitude we never voiced, the frustrations we were not able to let out fast enough, and retention of frustrations. The younger generations promise open discussions, but the older generations require deaf obedience. But somehow, both parties frequently talk different emotional languages and cannot really hear one another.

Adding to this is the rise of mental health awareness, a much-needed shift in society. We are finally learning to name harmful patterns, set healthy boundaries, and recognise the importance of emotional well-being. However, this newfound awareness also comes with a risk: when the language of therapy becomes a tool for avoidance. Words like “toxic,” “cutting off,” or “energy drain” are powerful but often overused. Are we too quick to label difficult relationships as toxic rather than investing the emotional effort required to understand and heal them? Sometimes, setting boundaries becomes less about protecting ourselves and more about escaping the hard work of reconciliation.

And then there’s the not-so-subtle influence of social media. Scroll for a few minutes, and you’ll find countless posts about dismantled family dynamics, toxic relatives, and generational trauma. It’s not just venting, it’s an aesthetic, almost a badge of relatability. Somewhere along the way, sharing family dysfunction became part of the online culture, a trend to keep up with. And just like any trend, it spreads. Even those without deeply fractured family relationships can start viewing their own normal disagreements through the lens of “toxicity” or “trauma,” because that’s the language and narrative we keep consuming.

Maybe family issues aren’t actually growing; it’s our awareness, language, and the online narratives we consume that shape how we see them. With trending stories of “toxic family”, even small disagreements can feel like dysfunction. Yet most families live in the messy middle, neither perfect nor broken. The real challenge is to stay, to stay in the conversation, in the awkwardness, and keep doing the unglamorous, offline work of being a family. After all, isn’t family just that, a bond worth holding on to, even when it gets complicated?