Turn On All Buttons

Rishi Ram Paudyal

When we get stuck, when we feel we're not making any progress and begin to feel a bit low, we need self-motivation. After I came back from my visit to Australia, there did not seem much happening. I was waiting for my MPhil-PhD result, so I was not much doing study. The colleges I taught didn't have the subject for the current semester, which meant I didn't make any dough. I had not written any articles, which meant there would be no remuneration to receive. I had not composed as much poetry as I used to, which meant I had not recorded what came to my mind and how I received and interpreted the outside world as well as my multi-layers-inner-worlds. 

I was becoming less and less productive so to speak. On top of that, at a recent international conference, a young hombre had got on my nerves due to his lack of integrity. Despite all this, I was not doing much to improve the situation. Rather, I seemed to be giving more time to social media. I falsely tried to entertain myself by 'liking and loving' and even writing comments on Facebook – oh so many 'happy' birthdays and congratulations. 

Moreover, occasional chats in the Messenger and frequent TikTok videos stripped away my valuable time layer by layer until there was no time left for production. My left hand was abused holding my pretty heavy mobile, my right-hand forefinger got irritated as I slid the posts and videos up and down, my eyes were strained watching the bright screen, and my head didn't seem to be that happy.

Even now, I kind of pretended nothing serious had happened that needed to be fixed. I falsely tried to make things simple and normal. However, it did not make much difference being the fact that I was not growing – neither intellectually (as I was not much reading, writing or got involved in intellectual discussion) nor economically (as I was rarely involved in money-making business neither had I invested for the future). The motivation seemed to be wearing thinner and thinner. 

Now who's gonna help you? No one. It's so deep and dark and hidden. If there is any best help, that comes from yourself because you know exactly what's happening in you and how you can solve it. However, having somebody that would listen to you even not fully understand you may help you dig out the problems, examine them, analyse them and explore ways to solve them.    

So, one day I met my friend who had recently completed his PhD and over tea, I began to share things. He kindly and graciously listened to me as I, like Socrates, asked questions first and then tried to explore the solutions myself. In vague thought, I said, "Why not turn on all the buttons? Whenever, there has been a problem, I simply turn on one button, and I solve the problem and get satisfied. What would've happened if I turned on all the buttons? How much could I achieve? How much would I progress?" Now 'turning on all the buttons' became my powerful mantra to chant and with one of such powerful buttons I have completed this write-up.