Acceptance After Loss

The US election 2024 is over, and the outcome can feel like a significant loss for more than 70 million Americans. It is too soon for the mental health consequences of last Tuesday’s election to be known. However, this is what we do know: The Trevor Project, a nonprofit organisation providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services for LGBTQ+ young people, reported a 700 percent increase in calls, texts, and chats soon after the election was called. Bookings on Zocdoc, a virtual platform, increased by 22 percent between 6 and 8 a.m. the day after the election, and mental health provider Spring Health reported a 240 percent surge in appointment bookings from November 3 to November 4.

Dr. Pauline Boss, a professor at the University of Minnesota, coined the term “ambiguous loss.” She describes this principle as loss that is different from the kind that people experience after the death of a loved one and applied it to what she believed people were experiencing worldwide during the COVID-19 pandemic. Dr. Boss says ambiguous loss is what people feel as grief, sadness, and even fear after a loss like an election or the freedom to be with friends and family during the isolation of the pandemic. In this type of loss, there are no religious rituals to mark the end of something or someone and no groups coming to your house to offer condolences.

Many people found ways to manage their uncomfortable feelings during the pandemic. There was a significant uptick in adopting cats and dogs from shelters, and Peloton became a successful company as people connected virtually and exercised from their homes. Some people also learned to bake bread. But how do we deal with the ambiguous loss many of our fellow Americans are experiencing after this election?

Viktor Frankl, a psychologist and Holocaust survivor, famously said, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's way.” Frankl’s work led to the development of a practice called radical acceptance—the ability to accept situations out of one's control without judgment. This may seem hard to conceptualize in a highly polarized country where there is more than enough judgment to go around.

We can choose to judge our feelings and thoughts as negative and struggle to alter them. Or we can learn to accept them and acknowledge them as natural occurrences. Research consistently links the ability to accept our negative emotions with more positive psychological health. Specifically, researchers report those who practice acceptance demonstrate lower levels of depression and anxiety. It may seem paradoxical that acceptance of negative emotions and thoughts leads to fewer mental health issues.  

Professors Steven C. Hayes and Kelly G. Wilson developed acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). This model's core belief is to accept what is out of our control (like the election's outcome) and commit to actions that improve our lives. The goal of this type of therapy is to accept, not deny, negative feelings so that we do not overreact and do not avoid situations that cause them. Many of the tenets of this model are similar to radical acceptance. In everyday terms, ACT encourages acceptance of negative thoughts and emotions, the creation of a valued direction, and acting. The outcome is greater psychological flexibility so you are not tied to negative thoughts and emotions. Thoughts and emotions do not have to control you. You can choose to control them.  

- Psychology Today