'Let us breathe our last in peace at home'

Kathmandu, Sept. 8:Keshav Tamrakar lost his father last year. He was 83 years old and passed away at Lalitpur’s Patan Hospital while receiving treatment for breathing problems. 

Tamrakar, a resident of Balaju, had lost his mother to cancer just three months earlier. She died of cancer at the age of 77 while in Bir Hospital, Kathmandu.

“Both of them wanted to leave this world from the comfort of their home but we could not make that happen,” Tamrakar lamented his inability to fulfil his parents’ last wishes.

The doctors had told Tamrakar that there was little hope for his mother’s survival. “But little hope is still hope. I had to try until the last moment.”

Hari Om Parajuli of Boje Pokhari, Lalitpur, was also forced to say goodbye to his father in a hospital in New Delhi, India. He had cancer and was adamant to spend his final days at home with his family. “But we had to do our best to save him. You cannot have your father await death while you do nothing,” he said, with tears in his eyes.

But while the children are justified in their love and actions, sometimes, senior citizens should be allowed to depart in peace, Parajuli’s mother Punya Devi, requested. “Those who have lived full lives, have seen their children and grandchildren grow and have fulfilled all their obligations should not be braced with medicine, poked with syringes and undergo painful surgeries while taking their final breaths.”

“We deserve to die happy, in the homes that we built, surrounded by the family we raised. Please!” she appealed.

Birbal Mishra had the same thought. The 80-year-old spoke to The Rising Nepal on Sunday when he was leaving Kathmandu for his home district of Sunsari.

His daughters had brought him to Kathmandu on account of his advanced age and failing health. But he refused to stay. “If I am going to die, I would be happiest dying in the same place I was born,” he said. This proved to be a prophecy as Mishra passed away early Thursday morning, according to his eldest daughter. 

Data specific to Kathmandu Valley is hard to find. However, across the nation, 16,811 people died in hospitals in the fiscal year 2021/22, according to the Department of Health Services (DoHS). Of them, 7,664 were people aged 60 or above, as stated in the Department’s annual report for that year (the last such report available on its website).

This is an increase from the preceding fiscal year 2020/21 when 7,344 individuals 60 years or older passed away in hospitals. Before the COVID-19 pandemic, in the fiscal year 2018/19, this number was only 4,810.

However, elderly care assistant Rina Budha Magar, who attends to senior citizens living alone or in need of extra support their families cannot provide for a fee, said that this number needed to be put into perspective. “Of the total number of old people visiting hospitals, the number of those passing away is still low.”

“People can now readily seek out medical services for their age-related ailments. Senior citizens today are more aware of diseases and are more willing to seek professional help when they need it – this is a good thing,” she stressed.

She added that while she understood the sentiments of elderlies wishing to breathe their last in their homes, it was always better to go to hospitals. “Modern medicine can make old age very healthy and comfortable. A timely hospital visit can extend one’s life by years, if not decades. We should never hesitate to use health facilities.”

But, Magar is also aware of cases where families hospitalised their elder relatives for convenience and lack of time. “I have worked with people who chose to keep their parents or grandparents in hospitals despite the doctors telling them there was nothing more they could do because there was no one to look after them at home.”

“Everyone is busy these days and no one has time to care for the elderly,” she expressed her dissatisfaction.

Magar also shared the role emigration played in this. “Old parents live alone in Nepal, cared for by people like me, while young kids live abroad.”

“When the parents near death, relatives admit them to hospitals so that when they die, their bodies are preserved in the morgue until their children arrive.”