Elderly parents in care homes miss family during festivals

By Arjun Karki,Baglung, Sept. 27: At festival time, many elderly residents of the Manav Sewa Ashram in Baglung miss home and family, even though the shelter has given them a safe place to live.

Dammari Sharma, 59, of Kushmishera, Baglung, has been living in the Ashram for eight years. Once dependent on collecting plastic bottles on the streets, she was rescued by the Ashram. 

Life is more secure now, but she admits festivals make her long for home. “I wish I could go home and meet my relatives during Dashain, but I have no one,” she said. Her husband remarried and moved to India in 1991, leaving her with bitter memories. 

Although she once won some property through a legal battle, she later lost the documents while struggling on the streets. Her son, who also lives in India, phones occasionally but cannot come to collect her.

A few years ago, Dammari survived by collecting plastic bottles in Baglung Bazaar. “I used to get Rs.5 per kilogram. That money fed me, and I wore the clothes given by kind women in the market,” she recalled.

Although a nephew from her maternal home sometimes visits, she said relatives from her husband’s side never come. “My nephew came during Teej and sometimes calls me. He said he could not come for Dashain because the roads are blocked, but he will visit during Tihar,” she explained.

Some months ago, Sharma went back to her village to make a national identity card and visit her mother-in-law, but she returned disappointed. “I went to the village to meet my mother-in-law and make my ID card, but I did not find anyone. 

All the neighbours, as well as my mother-in-law, brothers-in-law and other relatives, have moved to Tarai,” she said.

Like Sharma, Druapati Poude, 72, of Baglung Municipality-14, felt the absence of relatives during festivals. She came to the Ashram seven years ago after losing her husband and son. 

Although she still has daughters and grandchildren who sometimes visit, she prefers to stay at the Ashram. “If I live with my daughters, disagreements could arise, and I don’t want that. It feels safer to stay here,” she explained. But during Dashain and Tihar, she is haunted by memories of her late husband and son.

Dan Bahadur Shahi Thakuri, 83, of Sarkuwa, Jaimini Municipality, also shared this pain. A former Indian Army soldier, he came to the Ashram two years ago because he could no longer cook or wash on his own. 

Known as Lahure Ba, he was left alone after his wife died and his only son remarried and abandoned him. “My son never remembers me. Even my grandson and daughter-in-law never visit. What is the use of me remembering them?” he said, with tears in his eyes.

Despite once fighting in wars with China and Pakistan, Thakuri now faces hardship. He has even been dragged into a fraud case as a guarantor, which has stopped his pension. “If I had property, perhaps they would care, but since I have nothing, nobody bothers,” he said.

The Ashram currently shelters 30 women, 28 men and 8 children. According to manager Bimpa Tamang, the organisation works to reunite rescued parents and children with their families, but many families refuse to take them back. “Relatives do visit, but often they do not want to take them home,” she said.

As Dashain approaches, many residents hope someone will come to take them home. This year, the Ashram plans to celebrate by receiving tika from 104-year-old Manirupa Lamichhane, the eldest resident.