Know The Narcissist

Narcissism long seemed abstract and rare. Until it manifested itself up close: an obsessive need to control, loud declarations of one's own grandeur, and a screaming response to any disagreement. When such episodes recur, loved ones are confronted not just with a difficult personality, but with a persistent behavioural pattern that psychologists describe as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

Today, it's being discussed more frequently, helping those who have experienced emotional abuse find words and support. But with this increased interest has come confusion—from oversimplifications to misdiagnoses online. "There really wasn't such a concept in the mainstream—it wasn't as common as it is now," says clinical psychologist Sarah Davis. "I remember Googling 'narcissistic abuse' and only getting seven results.

NPD is a combination of grandiosity, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. The person overestimates their abilities, demands special treatment, reacts sensitively to criticism, and often exploits others for their own ends. Outwardly, this may appear as charisma and "confidence," but behind the façade often lies vulnerability and constant anxiety about their status in the eyes of others.

Not every narcissist is prone to violence, says clinical psychologist Sarah Davis. However, recognising the harm is difficult: narcissistic manipulation and gaslighting are often disguised as "concern" and compliments. It's important to remember: an official diagnosis is made by a specialist after a thorough interview, while popular questionnaires like the NPI only measure the severity of individual traits.

Numerous studies show that people with pronounced narcissistic traits are particularly sensitive to the validation of others. They experience any loss of face more acutely, perceive ostracism where none exists, and are more likely to respond with self-aggrandizement. This creates a vicious cycle: the more attempts they make to compensate for their vulnerability, the more strained their relationships with partners, friends, and colleagues become.

"Any perceived threat to their status or recognition is deeply repulsive," says Christiane Büttner, a researcher at the University of Basel . Psychologists distinguish two poles of narcissism: grandiose (overt) and vulnerable (covert). In the former, a person actively demonstrates superiority and seeks admiration. In the latter, they are outwardly more modest, but internally confident of their exceptionalism and expect special treatment.

"Vulnerable narcissists are more reserved, shy, vulnerable, and seem to have lower self-esteem, so at first you would never think that this person is highly narcissistic," says forensic psychologist Ava Green . "It's not that narcissism is a gender-specific trait."

Research shows that grandiose manifestations are more often observed in men, while vulnerable manifestations are more often observed in women. However, the difference gradually narrows when considering subtypes, and not just the striking "showcase" grandiosity.

Online platforms have brought the conversation about narcissism to the masses. Popular podcasts, blogs, and millions of posts featuring stories of abuse have emerged. Awareness is growing, but so is the amount of advice "from anyone and everyone."

"A wide range of people are sharing their experiences and, worryingly, offering services to help with narcissistic abuse, even though they have not been trained to do so," says clinical psychologist Sarah Davis. It is helpful to distinguish personal experience from clinical recommendations and seek help from qualified professionals and reputable organizations.

- Pravda.ru