Solace Amidst Chaos

I am sitting in my room, unwaged and enveloped in a blanket of blankness. The air hangs heavy still, while beyond these walls, the city roars with cars honking and people chattering. A rectangular flash of light enters my room through the window, casting a faint and almost gloomy glow upon the walls. What once looked vibrant now appears as faded residue, decorated with posters whose colours have faded with time. A worn-out desk sat in one corner, cluttered with textbooks and half-finished assignments. The bed, with its rumpled sheets and lopsided pillows, looks so unwelcoming. Against the walls, there are stacks of books, their pages worn from countless readings. Piles of clothes lie scattered across the floor, forgotten and abandoned.

Despite the room's comfort, an overwhelming feeling of laziness persists, and I can't shake off this feeling of boredom. I glance at the clock and realise that I have two essays due tomorrow, four projects to complete, and I haven't written in my diary for four days. I have so much to do, and I can't help but feel overwhelmed. Tonight, I need to buckle down and get to work. I take a deep breath and try to focus, but my mind keeps wandering to the future and college applications. I look around my room and again see the piles of clothes and books scattered everywhere. I feel a little guilty for letting things get so out of control. I make a mental note to clean up and organise, but I know that it's just a way to procrastinate.

Feeling utterly exhausted from nothing yet everything, I think it's about time I take a break. Seriously, it's been weeks, and I can't get my head off that one thing! So, I push myself to get up and leave the house, not sure where I'm headed. As I was striding aimlessly, I remembered a park nearby where I used to hang out. As I made my way there, I began to notice the little things—the gentle sway of the trees, the chirping of birds, and the distant laughter of people.

I see children playing, couples walking hand in hand, and elderly people enjoying their time. I decided to sit by the river and just watch the water flow. It's so calming and peaceful. I took a deep breath and let out a sigh of relief. As I sat by the river, I realised that taking a break and getting out of my routine was just what I needed. I feel my mind starting to clear up. I watch the people around me, busy in their own lives, and I feel a sense of peace and contentment wash over me. I inhale deeply and exhale, realising life isn't so bad. I am just in my head too much, and I worry a lot about the things I can't control.

Just a few days ago, I received a letter from my dream college. I always wanted to go there and study science. I had dreamt of that day since my childhood, and the resulting day was finally here. I opened the email with trembling hands, along with excitement and hope. But as I read the words on the paper, my heart sank. It said, "We regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you admission at this time." I couldn't believe it. I felt that all the hard work and dedication I put in had gone to waste. I was devastated, and the disappointment weighed heavily on my heart.

Days turned into weeks, and I struggled to move on from the rejection. I felt lost and unsure of my future. I wondered why God had allowed this to happen to me, and I questioned my worth and abilities. But hey, maybe God has some better plans for me. Who knows? I might even end up getting an even better college in the future. There is still so much to be grateful for! Despite not getting into my dream school or scoring the highest, I still have much to be grateful for. I have good grades, and I attend an excellent school. Despite all the failures, useless hard work, and pain, there was beauty within the pain—a strength that emerged from tough times.

I know that life will continue to have its ups and downs, and I need to be ready to face them with a renewed sense of gratitude and appreciation. Slowly, as the evening light softens, I head back home.

I enter my room, and again, it looks like a war took place here. But, you know what? I'm not going to let it stay like this. I'm going to fix it. First things first, I make my bed. I straighten out the sheets and fluff up the pillows. Now onto the books! stack them up neatly on my desk, making sure they're all in order. Now, for the clothes, I pick them up one by one, folding them and putting them away where they belong. Slowly but surely, the chaos is disappearing, and my room is starting to look like a room again. There's something satisfying about taking control of your space, you know? I sit down at my computer to start working on my essays and projects. I feel a sense of focus and motivation. I know that it's going to be a long night, but I'm ready for it. I take a deep breath, and I start to type.

Hours pass, and I find myself making great progress on my work. I take breaks now and then, stepping away from the computer to stretch and clear my mind. I make myself a cup of tea, and I take a few minutes to meditate. I find that these breaks help me to stay focused and motivated, and I'm able to do my best work as a result. As the night goes on, I start to feel a sense of pride and accomplishment. I've made great progress on my work, and I know that I'm going to be able to finish everything on time. I know that I've done my best, and that's all that matters. I get ready for bed, feeling grateful for the day that I've had.

As I drift off to sleep, I think about all the possibilities that tomorrow holds. I know that there will be challenges and setbacks, but I'm ready for them. I'm excited to see what the future holds, and I'm grateful for the opportunity to be a part of it. 

I realised that taking a break from my routine was what I needed. Sometimes, simply taking a break and appreciating the beauty of the world around you is enough to make you feel alive and inspired. I know that I still have a lot of work to do, but I also know that I can handle it now. And even though it's already way past midnight, there is this sense of refreshment in my awakened soul, and I feel recharged.

(The writer is studying an A level at Budhanilkantha School.)