Aashish Mishra

It is now time to have a difficult conversation. It is now time to question ourselves and the people around us. It is now time to look at our surroundings. It is now time to call it out, and time to condemn and discourage the rape crime.
When children just a few months old are getting raped, when fathers are raping daughters, when nieces have to fear their uncles, we have got to accept that the problem lies with the society.
It may sound weird but rape is never just about rape. People are quick to associate the monstrosity with consent. Consent is a core issue and boys should learn that “No means no” but rape is not just that. Rape is not just the violation of one’s consent, it is the violation of one’s ability to consent. Rape starts long before consent becomes an issue. It starts when people normalise patriarchal behaviours that demean and dehumanise women. And that normalisation is what rape crime is about.

Rapists think that it is acceptable to pursue their victims even after they explicitly make it clear that such gestures are not welcome. These people think it is okay to follow, stalk and harass girls and call it ‘courting’. They think they are entitled to evaluate girls and pass unrepeatable comments about them and shrug it off as ‘boys’ talk’ or ‘locker room chat’. And worst of all, many of us think it is justifiable to witness all this and sit idly by as long as “we are not actively taking part in it.” This is what rape tendency is.
Let’s make it even simpler. Rape tendency is when women come out about harassment and the first things we think about are what she was wearing, who was she with and what was she doing. Rape propensity is when the protagonists of our songs and movies mimic the actions of actual predators – they rate women based on their looks, they touch them without consent, make unwelcome calls and visits, portray them as a prize to be won, literally, say out loud “No means yes”.

Rape culture is when these songs and movies become super hits. Rape culture is when one girl who made one false claim about harassment one time is used to discredit every ordeal and injustice women go through. Rape culture is when our response to #MeToo and #RageAgainstRape is #NotAllMen.
Most of us are genuinely disgusted by rape and are genuinely angry at the perpetrators. Otherwise, there wouldn’t be such loud cries for the death penalty and such outpouring of wrath on social media. But nothing will change if we continue to deny rape culture.

One often raised argument is “We don’t teach our boys to rape.” Well, then where are they learning it from? Because, even though we may not want to accept it, these are our boys; our sons, brothers and friends. They are part of our society, our families. We need to confront some uncomfortable realities now because we desperately need to make some changes.