Nishtha Shrestha

Through evolution, nature refines our bodies by removing or modifying the unwanted parts. Over the years, the ritual of finding partners has also been touched by this law of nature. Some notable practices across the different timelines include displaying acts of bravery, marrying to increase power, exchanging goods in return for mates, etc. In the current scenario, the methods have diversified leaving the concerned parties with various emotional states depending on the outcome. It is worth discussing the two new cohorts that have been added along with the known groups of lovers and marriage via family ties.

The first method is the use of social media. Its popularity has nearly replaced the traditional matchmakers of the society. Considering our need to document every single moment through stories or posts, it has become the new horoscope. This trend has even given women a chance to choose which is usually ignored during marriage. It is a safer option for parents as the children cannot blame them later for the marital problems. While this new system has an advantage of allowing couples to know each other, it has also made people give more importance to looks than the personality. We have heard the phrase, "do not judge a book by its cover" but due to social media, the book in question hardly gets a chance to be read.

The second additions are those who use a mix of traditional and modern methods. This group believes in allowing their children to choose from the list they have designed with the help of matchmakers. Along with the initial formal picture, the potential candidates are screened based on their social media profiles. This method increases the pressure on the aspirants to maintain a lively and updated social media presence. It is frowned upon if the concerned person does not have an account in the new marriage registry as it is a possible sign that the candidate is old-fashioned.  While the possibility of being duped is nearly eliminated, this approach removes the right to privacy and encourages both parties to be social even though it goes against their nature.

We cannot prevent the methods from evolving along with the changes in the society. The concern, however, is about how these methods remain ignorant about the impacts they have on the mental health of both the individual and the family. Marriage is an important decision similar to the choices we make regarding our education, investment and health. While we take time evaluating the pros and cons for other decisions, somehow marriage is a rushed affair. The pressure to find a partner comes in terms of age, family ties or even as trivial as looks, which obstructs us from taking the right decision.

All of us have seen and heard stories of girls being scrutinised during the meeting of the families. The humiliation and frustrations of the rejected person have been never been given the due attention. With the advent of the above methods, now even the boys undergo this tough assessment. The changes are a good sign but hopefully the next evolutionary method factors in the psychological well-being of the individuals involved in the quest.